Leaf me alone.

Don’t bark at me like an angry dog

Don’t tell me to branch out or try and spruce me up.

Yew maple* me any way you wish

But I don’t want to go against my grain.

I like the roots I’ve got

And willow-er* my standards not a jot

(Though you wood say they’re low enough already).

I’m knot going to rowan* my life pining for you.

Don’t give me sage advice to make me poplar.

I’m alder than yew, your changes walnut* stick.

I have the balsa knot bough* before your Ivy League education

And I’ve found my grove,

Don’t blame me if I like acorny joke every now and then.

Yew can take that “holly-er than thou” attitude and shove it up your ash.

 

P.S. If I cedar* on my lawn your pining face, I’ll teak my dog and sequoia* your fruit.

 

*may pull

*will lower

*ruin

*will not

*the balls to not bow

*see there

*I’ll take my dog and sick (him on)