The waiting room looked like the combination of a thousand others by a slightly warped mind. The walls were a bland yellow, the battered furniture had a blue theme, and diplomas covered the walls, commending improbably named men for their achievements in gerontology, herpetology, and optometry, among others.

The woman sat in the corner beneath the muted television absorbed in her fashion magazine, or pretending to be. The wizard beside her couldn’t keep still. Occasionally he turned the pages of the children’s coloring book in his hands, but most of his attention focused on the other person in the room.

The vampire wore a navy suit, hundred-dollar shoes and perfect, gelled, blond hair gelled into the latest fashion. He was reading the same fashion magazine as the woman. With his casual mannequin stillness and flawlessly pale skin he could have been one of the models on the cover. He never moved, except to turn the page.

The woman licked her fingertips, caught and moved a page. “If you don’t minimize your movements, I’m going to nail your feet to the floor.”

The wizard bounced on the couch and slapped the coloring book on the table. “What the hell is something like that doing here?”

She glanced at the walls. “Studying the plant life of Indonesia. How the hell should I know?”

“I thought suckers like him were supposed to burn. How the hell did he get in?” The wizard fumed, sticking his hands into his armpit, hunching and glaring as thought he thought he could kill the other man a second time by force of will alone.

“He was here when we got here. Maybe he came early.” The woman glanced over her magazine, and then down again. “I’m serious about that nailing thing. Stop it.”

The wizard glanced at her. “Do you think he’s attractive?”

“What?”

“You know. Attractive. Hot. Sexy. I mean, there’s this obsession I’ve been hearing about. Vampires.” He shuddered.

The magazine hit the table. “Vampires are a bit too perfect. And beside, I have basic dating standards.”

“Really?”

She glared. “Do want to die?”

He choked. “That came out wrong. I’m sorry. What I mean, you see, is not at all what that sounded like. I approve of Mitchell. I mean. I like him. I mean, not like that, but—“

“Stop before you hit six feet, boy. I have basic acceptance criteria. Breathing is in the top ten. You would agree that Mitchell breathes?”

“Yeah. I suppose. What are the rest?”

“Of my dating criteria?”

“Yeah.”

“Not really your business, is it?”

“Do you think he would combust?”

“No.”

“Hey, not Mitchell. Him.”

She grabbed the magazine. “I hope so. There’s something inherently wrong if a vamp doesn’t combust.”

“More inherently wrong that having a dead person up and drinking other people’s blood?”

“If they sparkle, yes, that is inherently wrong. Dead men should not sparkle.”

“I’ve heard it’s crystallized salt from unused sweat gland residue.”

“Don’t tell me. I don’t frigging remind me. It shouldn’t happen, that is final and if you don’t move off this couch I’m going to paper cut you to death with pretty people, and don’t even tell me that that’s not possible, because I will make it work, do you understand me?”

He shifted to the edge of the couch and pretended to read the pictures of his coloring book.

The vampire snorted.

The wizard was suddenly standing between the woman and the vampire, power rippling around his hands, eyes blank and blue. The magic grew around him like poisoned wings. The vampire sat completely still, eyes locked on the sudden threat.

The woman looked at both of them, replaced her magazine, wrapped her purse around her shoulder and stood. She placed a hand on the wizard’s shoulder.

“I’m not sure whether I should be grateful for your aid or insulted that you think I’m unable to protect myself.”

“It made a noise.” The magic filled his voice, rippling out and over her and across the bland room to where the vampire sat.

The vampire very obviously took a breath, nostrils flaring, smelling the power. The his voice was smooth, like dark honey, and both living beings could hear the threat in his words. “You have a problem with my kind?”

The woman snorted. “No, I’m just bitter because a vampire defenestrated my cat when I was a child. What do you think?”

“I assure you, we are not all what you despise.”

The wizard moved forward and back, constrained by her hand. “Monster.”

She grinned. Her lips stretched wider than they should and the edge of her tongue pushed through them. She tilted her head at the vampire. “Do you combust?”

“I’m sure a fatal sunburn is on my horizon, but I’ve never tried. Combustion isn’t exactly something one gets fired up about.”

 The woman chuckled, and squeezed the wizard’s shoulder. “This vampire gets points in my book. Take it easy on him.”

His expression emptied. One blue eye shifted to the side, trying to see her, while the other remained fixed on the threat. “You can’t be serious.”

“I respect a sense of humor, and his is fang-tastic.”

“Lady…”

“If he moves, kill him.”

The wizard relaxed slightly and focused completely on the vampire.

The woman settled back into the chair, settled her purse on the end table and picked up the magazine. She found her page, shook the magazine and then craned her head around the wizard to smile at the vampire. “So, what brings you here?”

“Can’t you guess?”

“Blood infusions? Gerontology? A nice stake dinner?”

The vampire flashed his perfect white teeth, fully displaying the long canines that glowed like porcelain in his pallid perfect face. “None of those, unfortunately.”

“Maybe to get your hair done? I’ve heard they do everything here.”

“Nearly. How do they call you?”

The vampire licked the corner of his mouth. “My clinic pseudonym is Shadow. Please use it.”

“Pleasure to meet you. You can call me Sarah. Oh, I just thought of a question I’ve been dying to ask, and I just can’t resist.”

He grinned. “You’re just my type. We should neck sometime.”

She leaned forward. “Why do vampires always use so much hair gel? I mean, I could probably break glass with your hair alone. Is it so you have a handy battering ram to get out of those pesky graves?”

“Gel is a vital component to the un-death of any undead. We do run very fast you know.”

“You . . . lubricate?”

“Sometimes. And, if one runs too fast, the wind just does horrible things to the style.”

Sarah craned her head around further, even leaning heavily on the armrest of the couch. “Well, you have answered all my question, Mr. Shadow. How can I ever repay you?”

The tips of his fangs peeked over the edge of his full lower lip. “You could invite me for a drink.”

The wizard jerked. “Can I kill him?”

“No. Actually, move over. You’re blocking my view.”

He glowered and shifted slightly. The vampire’s perfect, dark blond eyebrows lifted. “Is he your pet?”

She snorted. “Who would keep a wizard as a pet? They’re not house trained.”

“In contrast, I assure you that my kind are very quiet, very easy to take care of.”

“I could take care of you.”

The vampire and the woman ignored the wizard and smiled into one another’s eyes. Sarah licked her lips. “But could a dead man keep me warm at night?”

“I’m sure I could try.”

The wizard’s power shifted, and for the first time the woman looked concerned. She looked at him, and then closed her eyes. When she turned back to the vampire, the game was done.

“Tempting as that sounds, I’m already in a rather bloody relationship, and I’m not exactly dying for another.”

He tilted his head in appreciation. “Well, if you ever change your mind.”

She was polite. “I won’t.”

He flashed his fangs again, but it wasn’t amusement. “You might.”

The smile fell and her stillness matched his. “I won’t.”

The wizard stepped forward. “She won’t.”

The vampire looked at him. “She might.”

The power lifted its wings and drew a breath to scream.

“Wizard, sit.”

 

He sat.

The vampire looked in surprise at the woman. Without her smile, her eyes were darker, and she was a little too still. He tilted his perfect, polished head slightly. “I’m impressed.”

 

 “I’m not.”

 “You have no idea what we are capable of.”

  “Really?”

  “We have killed wizards before, and made them one of us, and they have answered the call to the blood. We have taken what we wanted and made it ours for eternity. Don’t threaten me with your puny wizard.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t.”

The fangs were a white threat in the bland room. “I will take you, woman.”

“Let me kill him, Lady.”

 The woman tipped her head back, showing a long line of bare neck. She closed her eyes. “I look forward to watching you try.” When she opened them again, they were golden, and turned like two clocks ticking the seconds.

The vampire tensed enough to break.

 

The wizard sneered, and brushed off the coloring book. “Yeah. That’s right. Choke on that, bloodsucker. Can I kill him?”

She looked up from her magazine. Her eyes were human again. “Don’t be ridiculous. The doctor told you not to exert yourself before the appointment. I’m probably failing in my obligations just by letting you go all defensive. Pyrotechnics would be far too much.

“Someday maybe?”

 

“Maybe.”

Someone knocked politely and the heavy white door leading deeper into the clinic opened. The white apronned, perky nurse smiled at them brightly. “Sorry for the wait. Mr. Shadow, your orthodontist can see you now.”

The vampire rose with predatory fluidity while the wizard giggled. “Thank you, Maria.”

 

“No problem at all.” She turned her forty-watt teeth on the other two. “Wizard, Lady Sarah, the specialist will be here shortly.”

“No hurry,” Sarah said without looking up from her magazine.

“Thank you,” the wizard said.

A heartbeat before the vampire disappeared through the door, the woman looked up and caught his eye. His lips twitched around his fangs. And then he was gone.