You may have heard of them. I may have made up the entire idea. But a pun-poem is exactly what it sounds like, a poem made of as many horrible horrible puns on a theme as possible. For this one (written, appropriately enough during my poetry class) I chose trees. Though oddly enough, I never managed to get “tree” in the poem. I’d really like to work in that one and “forest”. It keeps me up at night (not really; that would be my spanish paper) And there’s a P.S that’s just in the stories section that isn’t really that good but I worked in a few horrible lines that really rock.

Enjoy. Or maybe just groan. Whatever, both responses are valid. (Hint: if it makes no sense when you read it, try saying it outloud.)

—

Leaf Me Alone

Leaf me alone.

Don’t bark at me like an angry dog

Don’t tell me to branch out or try and spruce me up.

Yew maple* me any way you wish

But I don’t want to go against my grain.

I like the roots I’ve got

And willow-er* my standards not a jot

(Though you wood say they’re low enough already).

I’m knot going to rowan* my life pining for you.

Don’t give me sage advice to make me poplar.

I’m alder than yew, your changes walnut* stick.

I have the balsa knot bough* before your Ivy League education

And I’ve found my grove,

Don’t blame me if I like acorny joke every now and then.

Yew can take that “holly-er than thou” attitude and shove it up your ash. 

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If you’re confused, things with asterisks have translations in the story section. *grin* Isn’t it aweful?